The Waiter

by Matias Faldbakken

(translated from the Norwegian by Alice Menzies)

Originally published in Norwegian as 'The Hills' in 2017

Date read: 22 Jan 2024

Disclaimer: I took a different approach while reading this book. I decided to document my thoughts and commentary as I read it, page by page. It has a few new sections.

Some thoughts

Okay. Let's start with first impressions: the synopsis at the back of the book reminds of the movie, The Menu - this is before I started reading the book.

But, it's nothing like the movie. Nothing at all.

So, what is it like? The book?

It's a piece of art. Detailed, nuanced, based on the whims and fancies of the narrator/ author. Each line is very much an intentional brush stroke. There's no extras. There's a method to the madness, an order to the chaos, a structure to the seeming disarray.

The details. It would be hard to complete any note about the book without being in awe of the level of detail. The characters, the ambience, the activities, the body language, the objects, the mood, the lighting, the colours (down to the various shades of blue on a tie - Cambridge, duck-egg, and periwinkle blue), the smells, the sounds. All this without being hectic. All this without overwhelming the reader. It's tastefully done. And it paints such a vivid picture that the reader doesn't need a very active imagination to follow along - which makes it an absolute joy to focus on the prose itself, which is no less fantastic.

The book is narrated from the point of view of our protagonist, the Waiter. The narration style in reflects that of a person riddled with anxiety - the person spiralling (thoughts), eventually realizing that they are spiralling, and then having that resigned oh-shit moment. It is, of course, not just limited to anxiety. It reflects the intelligence, the dry wit, and the opinions of the Waiter.

Chapter after chapter, we uncover something new. We are slowly being allowed deeper and deeper access to the workings of a human mind. It is fascinating to see the events unfold as they do. This was my two cents after reading Chapter 7: From whatever I have read so far, it feels like the reader, me, is taking a tour of the restaurant, with the Waiter being the guide. Much like me, the Waiter takes time to open up to people. As the chapters go by, the Waiter starts sharing more. The cool, collected Waiter gives way to an energetic, less inhibited tour guide, who starts sharing personal stories, starts building a connection with the reader.

As the plot thickens, you can feel that Waiter is finding himself in situations that are uncharted territory, out of his usual zone of existence. He starts to question his natural instincts and responses when he is faced with these situations. His observation skills are of course as sharp as ever, but we can see the flight or fight or freeze response kick in. You can feel that these incidents are messing with the Waiter's (inner) equilibrium.

He often finds himself expressing or sharing opinions which are not his own - which are someone else's opinions, that have been ingrained in him almost as something that he would have naturally thought of.

My thoughts a little later in the book: Is something going on here? The clear waters are getting murkier. There seems to be fog between the open channel that had been established between the Waiter narrating and the reader. There is something else at play here. The Waiter's guided tour, has, I feel, quite distinctively come to an end. It now seems like a narrative, like the Waiter has also become a part of the cast of characters on the scene to whose minds' inner working, the reader has no idea about. Boundaries have been drawn, walls are up. Curious occurrences are taking place. What is going on?

And this is where I'll leave you at - just enough craziness for you to actually pick up the book without giving you any spoilers.

An excerpt from my notes: This chapter is a riot. An absolute riot. How does this book get better and more intriguing with every page?

And another one: I really love this book. It has managed to make me truly happy.

And one last: This book reminds me of Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men in a Boat. The intent is not humour, but it just so happens to be the outcome due to the dry, witty, writing style.

You'll like this book if

• you like vivid descriptions, rich in details (the level of detail is truly astounding - you don't need a movie to see what the author wants you to see, the description is richer than the depth a movie would be able to capture; it would make for a really amazing Wes Anderson movie, it is right up his alley, even the way the chapters are staged, almost like acts in a play)

• you like Wes Anderson movies

• you like a witty narrative

• you like continental things, quintessentially elegant and European, the Grand European aesthetic/ way of life

• you can only read a little in one sitting (the book has short chapters, only a few pages each, each chapter is a compelling read, and in itself, complete)

• you like architecture, interiors, art, artists and their paintings, furniture

• you, very obviously, love food

• you like high fashion, but also clothes/ textiles in general

• you like literature, you speak poetry

• you are curious about the hospitality/ service industry

• you like cutlery

• you like history, facts, trivia

• you have anxiety

• you like playing the piano

Time investment & optics (for whomsoever it may concern)

226 pages, paperback, 2020 edition, Minion Pro font.

I personally loved the punctuation, there's no dissonance. The commas and full stops are exactly where I would have put them; so it makes for a very easy read in my head. I am not left guessing as to the meaning of sentences. Loved it. Smooth read. Short and sweet chapters, great for readers who prefer reading small chunks in one sitting.

The book is very picturesque in the imagery that it evokes.

Quick vocab booster (by no means comprehensive or exhaustive, simply adjusted for context)

• Maitre D': head waiter/ manager

• Blasé: indifferent, not easily impressed

• Muzak: recorded light background music that is played through speakers in public places (in this instance, the restaurant - The Hills)

• Wainscotting: lining (a room or a wall) with wooden paneling

• Skirting [board]: a wooden board running along the base of an interior wall

• Realpolitik: a system based on practical considerations

• Giffen Good: a product whose demand increases with the increase in price of the product, and vice versa (paradoxical)

• Zeitgeist: the defining spirit or mood of/ at a particular time

• Comme il faut: as it should be, as necessary

• Plutocrat: a person deriving power from wealth (often used in a derogatory context)

• Mezzanine: an intermediate floor installed in a building between the main floor and the ceiling that is partly open to the main floor (the piano is placed on the mezzanine)

• Behoove: someone's duty or responsibility to do something

• Bacchanal: wild and drunken celebration

• Ikebana: Japanese art of flower arrangement

Possible recipes (for those with the stomach to explore)

• goat's cheese salad with passion fruit vinaigrette

• creamy orzo with shallots

• soured cream dip with crisp-bread

• fried onions/ fried mushrooms

• foie gras with (spiced) apples

• onion marmalade

• romesco sauce

• pear tart

A few of my favourite lines from the book (in order of appearance)

Shortlisting lines for this section took a while. I had a super long list and that list was already a short list of all the highlights that I'd made in the book. Presenting to you the most memorable and hard-hitting ones:

"Diligence and anxiety go hand in hand, I'm convinced of that."

"There are many ways to dress, but The Pig has chosen the only acceptable one: impeccably."

"... and a talent hampered by ambition..."

"Habit is like a blanket which sets over the nature of things."

"If I want to meet my own concerns head-on, so to speak, then it's just a case of looking in the mirror. It's as though my face is a cast of all the anxieties that have built up within me over the years.

"Call me old-fashioned, but changing what cannot be improved is also called as decline."

"That's what happens with good quality. It peps you up. "

"I get very shaky from coffee. Sometimes, it tips me over into sheer paranoia. "

"If you have to pull out your phone and 'check' it constantly, you're a child or some kind of tart - yes, let that sound as petty as you like."

"So far, so interesting. I pay attention."

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

" ...misunderstandings are more effective in the here and now than as history."

"I make use of my only defence, the standard phrases."

"'Crudeness' becomes proportionally more crude depending on how well groomed the purveyor of the crudeness is."

"Sellers would never attack with anything but his vocabulary. "

"My lack of tact does complicate situations."

"And isn't that the hallmark of the moron? People who talk about things they have no idea about always talk about antioxidants."

"The mysteries of the brain and the heart reveal themselves in the small, remarkable, and unexpected combination of letters and words. You leech."

"Sensibly quiet, that's how I keep myself. Professionally and sensibly quiet."

"Roll out the cheese!"